Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A brother sums it up....

I didn't know of Dan Miller, an anchorman on Nashville's WSMV-Channel 4 evening news. I learned about him, and his recent death, from a heart attack, through Google Alert. (My good old Sibling Loss alert at work again.) I was reading a little item about his memorial service, though, and came across a nice graph about the words spoken by Miller's brother, Lynwood.

"Lynwood Miller said losing a sibling is a different type of loss. He said that it was like losing a piece of his childhood, losing someone who knew 'who we were' and 'who we are.'"

I lost my brother young, and never got to enjoy the adult sensation of being known that well by someone. I often grieve not only for the loss of my brother, and all that we were, but for the sibling experiences we never got to have.


j.m.m. said...

hi elizabeth,
i sent you an email on march 23rd - i don't know if you got it. hopefully it didn't get filtered out as spam. i lost my sister on january 11th - she died in childbirth at the age of 46. your book helped me so much.

a friend of my sister's who lost his brother wrote to me that a sibling is one's first spouse and that's why the loss is so intense. i don't know about that. his brother was seven years older. my sister and i were barely a year apart (she was younger and my only sister.) i think of her as my first co-conspirator, not spouse.

whatever we were in, we were in together. we fought often and furiously with each other, but we were still always together, against the world. we were pretty intertwined, in spirit and in action.

I think it's not just a loss of someone who knew who are and were; it's also the loss of someone who knew who everyone else was and what was what. Especially since we were so close in age, our experiences were mostly shared experiences, even if our perceptions were different.

I could write all night my thoughts on siblings and the impact of this loss. I am so glad you have this blog and I look forward to reading it more often.


Wendy Lea Snyder said...

Hi Elizabeth,
Today it has been one year since the plane accident that killed my brother.
I am very thankful that my friend's mother (who lost her brother when she was eight) gave me your book and we have made a connection. I think it is time to reread it!
For the years to come, I will continue to write on my blog for my brother as I know that his life and death is such an integral part of me. I find comfort in becoming my brother, literally wearing his smiling face, experiencing the joys of life boldly. I know you feel that way about your brother too. Long live Ned and Ted!